The Real Massa Republican Strategy

massa_elmo On Eric Massa, Dave Weigel with some background information:

So, here’s what happened. On March 3, Massa resigned amid rumors that he sexually harassed a staff member. There was unanimity among conservatives — this might be the Democrats’ Mark Foley scandal. On March 7, Massa melted down on a radio show and lobbed wild accusations at the Democratic Party establishment. The conservative unanimity broke, with Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Mark Levin treating Massa like a truth-telling exile. On March 9, Massa melted down, again, on Glenn Beck’s show, and nuked his own credibility. So now we’re back to the “Democrats’ Mark Foley” strategy.

I’ll paint a more colorful picture:

  1. Eric Massa stroked some guy’s hair at a party and got into a tickle fight on his 50th birthday.
  2. Massa got in trouble with the Ethics Committee and decided to resign, then ranted on his radio show that he was being forced out for voting against the House Democratic health care bill.
  3. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele gets excited about all the tickling and buys some hair restoration lotions to get into the action.
  4. Steele is reminded he should be on the sidelines and lets their media arm, Fox News have at it.
  5. Limbaugh and Glenn Beck cuddle each other in a victory dance, hardly able to contain themselves, overjoyed their Messiah has come.
  6. Limbaugh starts covering the GOP’s back by backtracking, Michelle Malkin unwittingly says something smart, and Glenn Beck gets picked to interrogate Massa.
  7. Glenn Beck tortures his viewers for an hour, the GOP realizes he’s better at torture than interrogation.
  8. Glenn Beck apologizes for torture, Mark Thiessen and Liz Cheney attack Beck for not torturing the American people enough to get a confession out of Massa.
  9. Massa tickles Beck under the table; Beck cries again.
  10. The GOP decides to blame the Democratic House members because their plan to get dirt failed so they’re going to make the Democratic House members dig it up for them.

crying_bald_eagle_cgb On the Democratic side:

  1. Massa tickles Pelosi’s funny bone with a great plan to publicly show torture and Glenn Beck suck.
  2. Glenn Beck falls for it and an bald eagle sheds a tear for America.
  3. Massa goes on Glenn Beck’s show and backtracks, clarifies, exonerates himself and the Democratic House.
  4. Glenn Beck attacks his blackboard in a fit of rage, ridding the Democratic Party of their greatest enemy.
  5. The Democratic House members investigate themselves at the request of the Republican House members, too stupid to realize they have the upper hand.
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