Being Orthogonal To Yesterday

My wife woke me up very successfully trying to making me feel like the beloved husband that I am. She has been trying to improving herself in many ways, intellectually, emotionally and in other facets of life — she even plans on reading books towards doing that such as The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She sometimes doesn’t think she shows me how much she loves me despite my insistence that she does. In other news, I feel the same way.

I am also trying to improve myself and several facets of my life as well. I, however, haven’t given self-improvement much thought and have actually been fighting the tide that will pull me away from the edge of the life I’ve been leading and into the vast oceans of possibilities. In truth, that edge isn’t a beach at all: it’s a steep cliff with no way back up. There is no going back to that life I once lived and enjoyed — I can’t climb back up. I’m not much of a mountain climber anyway.

I’ve mentioned internet connection problems in previous posts. These connection problems have hindered my ability to truly enjoy my World of Warcraft experience, especially where raiding is concerned. I feel that if I can not raid that I will not be playing to the fullest potential. I’m a beast in the game and doing the same few little things left to do in the game, which are, in the end, fruitless and pointless even within the game without participating in raiding, is like having this great talent and ability you refuse to use or share with the world. I don’t refuse to use it. I simply can’t use it. There’s a key difference. I am emasculated without a good internet connection — a component of my life that is, as hilarious and stupid as it sounds, absolutely vital to that life.

That’s why I must work towards improving my life. I can not allow something as silly as a computer game bring me down any longer. I can not let it be the thing that drowns me as I’m being pulled away into the vast oceans behind me as I struggle to climb back up into that life of abject failure. Unless you’re swimming in a storm, it’s your struggle to fight the tide that drowns you. I want to live.

I will live. Although we blew our wad with money in one single day, yesterday, I did purchase some items I have been wanting to get in the back of my mind for some time. I purchased a new book for myself (it has been a long time!): Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld. I figured I should try something completely new (the steampunk style) if I’m going to start reading books again. Who knows? Perhaps I will find myself in a new world of interesting floating whale ships and steam powered techno-droids! I also purchased some equipment for my electric guitar that went missing some time ago. I have approximately a half hour of practice time with the electric guitar that my wife bought me for my birthday three years ago. For shame, am I right? That’s what happens when you pop in the World of Warcraft disk and click “Install”. It installs more in your brain than on your computer hard drive.

To be honest, I already feel better about myself. Perhaps it’s how my wife woke me up this morning but I do feel better. I do know that having a more positive, hopeful outlook about the next few days ahead of me is helping quite a lot. I’ll be reading a supposedly great new book, finally learning to play that guitar that’s felt neglected for years, and I’ll hopefully be an even better husband than my wife thinks I am. I know things are going to look up; it’s not every day I set out to add a new nerdy word to my vocabulary simply because it’s perfectly fun. Instead of dumbing myself down to the blank stare while playing World of Warcraft, I’ll be perfectly orthogonal and start out a brand new life on a paradise island in the middle of the vast ocean.

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