Failing to Communicate

I love my life. I love my wife. I love my family. I do not, however, love the situation I find myself in. I have no job and am very unlikely to find one. I have no hobbies other than World of Warcraft and find no joy in anything that would be defined as a hobby. My interest in politics are primarily self-informative now instead of something I want to engage in with other people. Science and technology are things I take advantage of and use now — I have no interest in dabbling. I really have no interests; except World of Warcraft.

The situation I find myself in is not simply that I have only one personal joy, World of Warcraft: the situation is that I can’t enjoy it. There’s a difference between finding joy in something and being able to enjoy it. I can not. I can’t entirely. You see, I live out in the country, far beyond the border of civilization giving a shit about it. This is a technofreak’s no-man’s-land. The highest level of technology is a minivan down the road with two engines that work in tandem that some redneck hick built in his oil slick of a garage. I have an incredible computer; it’s powerful and sleek but utterly useless without internet.

We have internet access. Sometimes. It goes in and out like a two-inch dick in a brothel. Our internet access sputters here and there, my latency going ping ping ping PONG NO CONNECTION ping PONG NO CONNECTION ping ping PONG ETC ETC. This is useless to me when it comes to gaming. Online games require a constant connection. One single PONG NO CONNECTION means you’re booted out of the game. Online games like World of Warcraft are not solo-games. If they were, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. However online games are collaborative games; you play with tons of people. You might join a 5-man group and run a small dungeon. You might, however, join a guild that runs raids and run with 9 or 24 other people. Yes, TWENTY FOUR PEOPLE need you to make sure your internet connection is always PING and not PONG. Ping pong doesn’t work, it’s just ping.

So what does a person do when their only personal joy in life is unavailable? He quits trying. After a year of having either computer problems or internet problems, what’s the point, really? I have invested a lot of time on my warrior. This amount of time is huge considering the time he has existed. I’ve put in enough time playing my warrior to amount to three or four lifetimes of my wife’s usual play time in a year.

The sad part is I can’t do anything about it. Remember, I live in the country, where society couldn’t really care if you have a place to take a shit. If it wasn’t for the law requiring it, we wouldn’t have electricity and proably wouldn’t see it for another hundred years when it would be cheap enough to finally have mercy on our souls. I’ll be dead by the time we get DSL or cable broadband here. This country will probably be dead by then.

In the mean time, I think I’ll go stare at the latency of my internet. It’s about the only thing that doesn’t disappoint any more. I know it’s going to be fucked up.


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